Thursday, March 24, 2016

Batman v Superman marks the return of the lazy superhero film

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Review


When I reviewed Man of Steel a few years ago, I felt it necessary to get all of my complaints out of the way first because there was a decent movie beneath the generous helping of crap. This time around I want to switch it up and get all the good stuff out of the way.

So here's what I liked about Batman v Superman:

Wonder Woman is awesome

Gal Gadot absolutely nails it as Wonder Woman. I know the internet can bitch and moan about anything, but I don't foresee many people getting upset about this casting decision. I was convinced her character wouldn't translate well to a movie like this, but now I can't wait to see her standalone picture. She is, hands down, the most believable hero in the entire movie.

Lex Luther

The internet is probably going to hate his performance, but I think Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luther is surprisingly good at times. His theme music is even better. Unfortunately, this version of Luther is better suited for a campier Superman film. It draws heavily on what Hackman and Spacey did with the part in better movies (much, much better movies), but I'm okay with that.

The music

I loved Hans Zimmer's soundtrack from the first movie. This is more of the same, but very enjoyable.

Jeremy Irons and Diane Lane

The movie doesn't put its supporting characters to very good use, but Irons is solid and Lane brings exactly what you want from her in the little amount of time the movie's short attention span allows her.

That's it. That's all I liked about the movie. I hated every mind-numbing second of everything else. The pacing stinks, the acting sucks, the action is routine, and I'm embarrassed I ever suggested Ben Affleck would make an okay Batman. Oh, and a lot of that cool shit you saw in the trailer is just a dream sequence, by the way.

Batman v. Superman is slightly better than Fantastic Four and much worse than Amazing Spider-Man 2. Even if the trailers hadn't spoiled everything—and let me emphasize everything—this movie isn't even worth the price of a rental. The title bout is so brief you'll wonder why they even bothered to film the scene in IMAX format.

I was disappointed in Man of Steel, but it's leagues above Batman v Superman. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there's a reboot in the foreseeable future. It takes unspeakable incompetence to get together three of the greatest superheroes and make such a stinker.

Look, I purposely forgot everything I know about Superman and my preconceptions of what a Superman movie "ought to be," but even that couldn't save this turd. I'm still looking forward to Suicide Squad and Wonder Woman, but holy shit, what a disappointing night at the movies.

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